silent storm

My body starts to tremble, sweat and stiffen. Pupils dilate and dizziness overtakes. A response of fight or flight comes up, but instead I freeze. I just sit and stare. The mind knows there is no danger, yet the body is in panic mode.

 

I feel lonely and am in need of support. Silently I reach out. 

 

Is there someone to pick me up? 

To hold me? 

Can someone make me feel safe again?


I want to scream, but no sound comes out. 

 

I resist what is happening and an urge to control this arises. Through frustrated thoughts, I take deep breaths and try to ground feet that only want to run away. 

But I can’t run. I stay. Paralyzed and drowning. 

 

I wait until it passes. My silent cry remains unheard.

 

I don't know how to voice my needs, my limits, my anger. 

The overwhelming storm wipes me out. I want to lie down, curl up and go to sleep.

I felt it then and I feel it now.

 

 

I try to find a calming scene, as a way out of my inner storm.

 

Once light finds it way back in and the ground stabilizes, the feeling of safety returns. The process has progressed and I feel stronger. A small residue of insecurity and fear of the fear however always seems to stay.

IRIS VALENTINA 2020

06-19817596

Studio: Daam Fockemalaan 22, Amersfoort
Post: Parklaan 76, 3722BG Bilthoven 

Nederland, the Netherlands